Final Reflection

Hopefully, I've gotten a really cool thing to do next fall from this class - whether it's my group's project or someone else's.

But if that doesn't work out, I'll still be more than satisfied with this course.

First of all, you guys are awesome. I came from a small school where the varsity athletes were the theater kids and the kids who won the science fair and the artists and everything else at once. When I got here, I wanted to be on the lacrosse team, which I knew would take all of my free time, so I didn't really look into doing anything else. After I didn't make the team, I didn't do anything ever. Like at all. I went from juggling more activities than I can count in high school to doing nothing here. It was a very boring first quarter. Then I met you guys! You are all so passionate about so many things, and you inspired me to be get involved again. I haven't spent time with all of you individually, but the collective attitude in the class has steered me toward a better life, or at least a more fulfilling college experience. So thanks for that. I'm so glad to have met and learned from you guys.

This course made me really reflect on myself. Starting from the beginning with the MBTI test and continuing through values and the weekly blog posts, I've learned as much from myself as I have from the class and my classmates. I realize that sounds cocky, but I think it's incredibly important, especially in the context of leadership, where you have to know how to lead yourself to be able to lead others. I won't stop valuing the time and space I got for introspection any time soon. This class sat us all down and showed us that we have our own power, and that we deserve to take ourselves seriously.

Of course, it also taught me not to take myself too seriously. As a class, we expertly managed to have very serious discussions while still keeping a fun, relaxed mood to the class. Even when the topics got heavy, we still managed to make our time enjoyable. I think I was put on this world to bring joy to everything I do. However, those things don't often lend themselves to being fun, so bringing joy can be difficult to do and is usually difficult to do correctly. This class danced on that balance line from day one, and I think we managed to end up on the right side most of the time.

Santa Clara sets itself apart from many other universities by striving to educate our whole selves. ELP remembered that we are just people, but it still pushed our limits to redefine that human balance. If everyone took a class like this, I think the world would look a little different.

This class gave us a glimpse of our potential in this life. Go forth and set the world on fire.

Technical difficulties

I was an idiot and couldn't figure out how to get into my blog for the last few weeks. I've finally managed to post, and I hope y'all still take the time to look over what I have to say.

Tuckman's Stages of Group Development

Clip 1 – Coach Carter – Norming

The team works to a common goal. Players have to give up what they might want to support each other and the team as a whole.

Clip 2 – Aladdin – Adjourning

I want to be mad at Casey for spoiling Aladdin for me, but I think it might be my own fault for going 19 years without ever seeing it. Anyway, this clip shows adjourning because the group members have reached their goal and part ways.

Clip 3 – Remember The Titans – Storming

This clip shows the competition, tension, and lack of cooperation within the team, representing the storming stage.

Clip 4 – Finding Nemo – Performing

Finally, a movie I’ve seen. But to be fair, I’ve seen it enough times to make up for all the others I haven’t seen. The fish pull together finally accomplish what they’ve been working at for the better part of the movie: getting Nemo back into the ocean. This clip is an especially interesting example because the group has to spring into action quickly without a plan.

So what’s left? The first stage, forming.

This clip shows the formation of Jack’s new crew in Pirates of the Caribbean. While we haven’t learned much about them yet, we know that everyone on the deck has chosen to be there and agreed to be a part of whatever Jack and Will are setting out to accomplish. This clip isn’t quite a perfect example of forming, but I chose it because the crew goes through the full five stages of development over the course of the movie, and we can see the storming beginning to take place at the end this snippet.

Words are Hard: Communication

Communicating is tricky. It’s so hard, you guys. Everyone’s minds are like big bowls of soupy thoughts floating around, and no matter how carefully you pick your words, you can never know what part of that soupy mess they’re going to stick to.

People will always interpret what you say based on where they are in their lives and their state of mind, so how can get our message across as well as possible?

Well first of all, I think the crucial first step is to embrace that we cannot be perfect. Something will always be lost in the transfer of information, and we have to be okay with that. In fact, we can use it to our advantage, as everyone may take away a slightly different message and, in turn, bring variant, diverse ideas back to the group.

I don’t see that many differences between communication with an individual and a group. Obviously, they are different beasts, but the basic principles hold true to both situations.

1. Articulating

This concept is one of the simpler ones but also one of the harder ones for me to accomplish. I find that my brain moves so quickly when I’m trying to problem solve that by the time the thoughts get to my mouth, my mind has already moved on. This problem can interfere with my communication, but it has also taught me to slow down, breathe, and pick my words carefully. To be fair, I usually just keep rambling full speed and hope the people I’m with will stay on board, but sometimes, when I really need to communicate effectively, I’ll have to slow it down. The idea is easy, though: if you want someone to understand what you’re thinking, choose the words that best explain your thought. As I said, don’t expect it to come across perfectly, but this is certainly the area where you can get the closest.

2. Confidence

Be confident in yourself and in your message. If you don’t believe that you and what you have to say are both important, neither will anyone else. In practice, this often means speaking in a slow, controlled manner, not going back on things you’ve just said, sounding like you’re not just coming up with something on the spot, and keeping all your nervous energy controlled (e.g. dancing feet, nervous hands, ums and uhs, etc.). Confidence is more important in situations like presentations or persuasions, but really it’s just important to prove that you’re speaking for a purpose beyond just the sake of talking. Stand up and own your message.

3. Relating

While it is important to seem on top of it and polished, it is also important to be relatable. This idea is sort of the yin to confidence’s yang. You certainly need both at all times, but they are opposite factors, and you need to understand the situation to figure out which one should hold more weight. For example, when chatting with friends, it is usually more important to be relatable than confident, but confidence is still crucial. I try to relate to my audience by using everyday, casual terms (how often do I say “you guys,” you guys?) in conjunction with more carefully constructed sentences.

4. Listening

We often use “communicating” and “talking”/”sharing” kind of interchangeably. However, a critical part of communication is keeping it two-sided. Again, this differs depending on the context (taking questions in a presentation, being sure to hear others’ ideas in a group project, or just listening to details about your friends’ days), but the idea holds true no matter the situation. Communication is about more than just putting your thoughts into the world. It’s about effectively sharing your ideas with others’ and eliminating as many barriers between your minds as possible. If no one ever listened, we would never have any reason to speak in the first place. I am definitely a loud, chatty, person, so I sometimes forget when it’s time to just shut up and listen, but it is incredibly important that we all remember that communication is a give and take.

5. Evaluating

Easily the most important part of communication is evaluating. You must first evaluate your audience and the context to figure out how best to communicate. After that, effective communication comes from frequent evaluating and reevaluating and making the appropriate changes. There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to understand people who can only seem to phrase their message in one way. If you notice that people look confused or uncomfortable, it is absolutely crucial to address the problem and try another approach. Similarly, if what you have to say is well-received, use that knowledge to boost your confidence and keep up the good work.

I Believe in the Power of Nature

When I’m two thirds of the way through a long Wednesday, feeling myself go crazy but with no time for a nap, I often give myself just one minute. I close my eyes, and for one perfect minute I am lying on my back in Forest Park, looking up at the cracked fragments of sky through the huge, protective canopy of Douglas Fir trees. Of course after those 60 seconds, I have to come back to this realm of existence, but that quick taste of nature is enough to keep me going. It’s nothing like the real thing, but it gets me through the week.

I have never been able to fully subscribe to any ideas of religion. Sure, I appreciate the teachings and lessons, but I have never been able to relate to ancient stories of prophets or gotten any sort of relief from spending time in churches.

I don’t know what it means to be religious, but I have been able to experience the profound, overwhelming, all-encompassing feeling of belonging I imagine spirituality provides. It happens away from other people, in my own place of worship, my own church.

Maybe I’m like an animal in a cage who just needs to touch solid ground once in a while. Or maybe my lungs need a chance to breathe crisp, clean air. Perhaps I just need to have all my senses stimulated to full capacity to feel alive. Whatever the reason may be, being outside, feeling fully connected to this Earth I live on, is my own personal enlightenment.

I believe in making the time to experience this crazy wonderful place we get the honor of living in. While bee stings and thorn scratches can be deterring, I assure you that pain is only temporary. All wounds in time will heal. The complete, fulfilling, incredible feeling of belonging to more than just a body, being tied down to nothing but the very Earth I am made of, however, will never fade.

                                                                                     

Creating Our Own Happiness: This I Believe Part 1

I’ve chosen “Creating Our Own Happiness” by Wayne Coyne.

I was sitting in my car at a stoplight intersection listening to the radio. I was, I guess, lost in the moment, thinking how happy I was to be inside my nice warm car. It was cold and windy outside, and I thought, “Life is good.”

Now this was a long light. As I waited, I noticed two people huddled together at the bus stop. To my eyes, they looked uncomfortable; they looked cold and they looked poor. Their coats looked like they came from a thrift store. They weren’t wearing stuff from The Gap. I knew it because I’d been there.

This couple seemed to be doing their best to keep warm. They were huddled together and I thought to myself, “Oh, those poor people in that punishing wind.”

But then I saw their faces. Yes, they were huddling, but they were also laughing. They looked to be sharing a good joke, and, suddenly, instead of pitying them, I envied them. I thought, “Huh, what’s so funny?” They didn’t seem to notice the wind. They weren’t worried about their clothes. They weren’t looking at my car thinking, “I wish I had that.”

You know how a single moment can feel like an hour? Well, in that moment, I realized I had assumed this couple needed my pity, but they didn’t. I assumed things were all bad for them, but they weren’t and I understood we all have the power to make moments of happiness happen.

Now maybe that’s easy for me to say. I feel lucky to have fans around the world, a house with a roof, and a wife who puts up with me. But I must say I felt this way even when I was working at Long John Silver’s. I worked there for eleven years as a fry cook. When you work at a place that long, you see teenagers coming in on their first dates; then they’re married; then they’re bringing in their kids. You witness whole sections of people’s lives.

In the beginning it seemed like a dead-end job. But at least I had a job. And frankly, it was easy. After two weeks, I knew all I needed to know, and it freed my mind. The job allowed me to dream about what my life could become. The first year I worked there, we got robbed. I lay on the floor; I thought I was going to die. I didn’t think I stood a chance. But everything turned out all right. A lot of people look at life as a series of miserable tasks but after that, I didn’t.

I believe this is something all of us can do: Try to be happy within the context of the life we’re actually living. Happiness is not a situation to be longed for, or a convergence of lucky happenstance. Through the power of our own minds, we can help ourselves. This I believe.

The opening scene of this essay hit home. I spent the summer volunteering at a summer camp in a small, poor town in the Dominican Republic, and this revelation was one of the important discoveries I made on my trip. I posted a picture on facebook while there, and someone commented, “I did that same trip in 10^th grade. Notice how they have absolutely nothing but yet are still incredibly happy,” and I remember being furious. He said it with good intentions, but I could not get behind his statement that they have absolutely nothing. Sure, the people of Monte Cristi don’t have many material possessions, and kids often came to camp dirty in ill-fitting clothing, yet I found myself experiencing a weird sort of envy. While they didn’t have things, I have never experienced such profound love. Leaving Monte Cristi was incredibly sad, but I emerged with a new definition of happiness. Happiness is a state of mind, not a state of life.

Losing My Religion

Disclaimer: I started writing this as politically correct as possible, but it lost a lot of its value. I feel that in order to tell my story I need to be honest about my opinions. When reading this, please understand that what I may have to say about my experiences is not any sort of an implication of how I feel about people who disagree with my views. But if you stick it all the way out, you'll see that this is not at all a hate-filled ramble! Si se puede!

The Setup
     I spent thirteen years of my life at Oregon Episcopal School. I've literally bled for that school (I get mean on the lacrosse field) and it definitely helped shape who I'm becoming. For those unfamiliar with the Episcopal Church, here's a quick and definitely offensive overview: we're just bad Catholics. King Henry VIII wanted to get a divorce, which was forbidden in the Catholic Church, so he made his own church that would allow him to bend the rules. That was the Church of England, and the Episcopal Church is essentially its American buddy.
     My family has some religious roots, but religion was never in the picture at home. I never went to church with my family (until one of my cousins was baptized a few years ago), but I went to chapel at least once a week at school. In elementary school, we went twice a week. We'd sing songs, listen to fascinating stories about our school's beloved chaplain's pets, and have a generally awesome time. In addition, once a week the chaplain would come to our classroom and read us C.S. Lewis and give us things to color while telling us about her cool friend named God. I used to come home from school and regurgitate what I had learned to my parents, who swore I would grow up to be just like the chaplain I loved so much. Today, we laugh about that idea.

The What
     If I had been at a Catholic school, I think I would have immediately rejected the church and become a card carrying atheist. However, I went to an Episcopal school. They took all the ideals of Christianity and wrapped them up in a very liberal package. I didn't believe stories like Adam and Eve or Noah's Ark, but I was told I didn't have to. All that mattered were the ideas they represented. I was living a sort of half-life during the religious parts of school, where I would be intrigued and fascinated while also not believing a single word. I learned about love and respect through a religious lens, but because the school was so liberal, those values were often taken to places that contradicted traditional religious teachings.
     I learned that it wasn't all one package, and that believing in Jesus's message didn't necessarily mean I had to subscribe to the entire system. On Ash Wednesday in particular, I would sit in a church and listen to some man who didn't know me tell me that I am inherently full of sin, and I must repent because Jesus said so. Or something. I didn't super pay attention, you guys. That message was absolutely not okay with me and sort of the straw that broke the camel's back. I of course believe in introspection, in figuring out what I've done wrong and trying to improve it. Striving to be better than we have been is what makes us human. But I absolutely did not believe that I was an evil 14-year-old who owed my entire existence to some dude who died a couple thousand years ago. People aren't evil. People are awesome. You know, usually. So I found peace in parting ways with something that had become so intertwined with my identity from a young age.

The So What
     When I was making the decision to begin pushing away from religion, it was almost the cool thing to do. We had all been taking things for granted since we were children, and then we got to middle school, where we were encouraged to think for ourselves and make our own choices. I was definitely not the only one moving away from the church.
     However, I grew up. I was enamored with people I met, people I wanted to emulate, people whose lives helped me understand my own. Some were just my friends, and some were teachers/leaders/camp counselors/you name it. Every time I learned one of these people I wanted to become was religious, my understanding of religion took a hit. How could these people I admired so much embody something I rejected so wholly? (there's a pun in there if you look...)
     I realized that I couldn't take such a harsh attitude toward an issue that revolves around people without in turn making a statement about the people themselves. The ideas I had developed about religion were completely inconsistent with my general love of people. I realized that my personal issue wasn't just a personal thing. I had to listen to Jesus and love my neighbor. All of them. Even the religious ones.

The Now What
     In all honesty, I am still not okay with a lot of things about religion. I avoid the Catholic Church as a general rule (so pretty much nailing it with the whole Santa Clara thing), I would love to have a word or two with the pope, and there are a lot of times when I really resent how some people wield their religion as a weapon. I still believe the world would be a better place without religion.
     However, a world devoid of spirituality would never exist. As humans, we are irrevocably curious and always searching for meaning. I've finally been able to understand that the majority of religious people I meet will not present an attack on my liberal values, and that most likely, I'll learn from them.
I think my resentment toward people with strong spiritual beliefs began out of jealousy. I didn't have that strong of convictions of any sort. Now, on the other hand, I fully understand that faith is an incredibly important part of life, but it doesn't have to be faith in god.
     One of the girls I volunteered with this summer described faith to me like this: Every time I drop something, I know that it will fall. But I don't actually know that for a fact. I believe that the object will fall because I believe in gravity and I believe in the truth of my own experience of all the other times I watched things fall, so I trust that my dropping something will lead to its falling. That trust in the relative truth of my own personal world is faith.
     These days, I am comfortable understanding my own "faith" and its lack of a spiritual element as fundamentally no different than the faith of my religious friends. I try to do good things because my own personal understanding of the world requires it, and that is no different from others doing good things because they are following the teachings of a prophet or other religious leader. I can finally admire Jesus for his actions without having to decide if any of it actually happened or not.
     I'm not a religious person. I am not an atheist either. I'm not even agnostic. I just let religion and my life operate in separate spheres. My best friend and the other two people I admire most in the world are religious, and I love every part of them because our values are congruent, even though they are motivated by different factors. Religion is just a means to an end, and I have taken a different path.

Keeping it Fun

I spent two days scouring the TED website for the perfect video that would reflect my values. I watched a lot of cool things, learned some great ideas, and thought a lot about the world and myself. I was having the toughest time deciding what I wanted to talk about here because I couldn't possibly choose between all of these awesome things I'd been watching:

Then I stumbled onto this guy. This video was such a welcome break from all of the difficult thinking I'd been doing.

At the end of the day, I think we're all just trying to get by and have a good time.

This video fits into my values because it reminds me that we are all human. We're all constantly trying to succeed and hoping to hide our flaws, but those flaws are what makes us so interesting. Our flaws make us vulnerable, relatable, and human, and we can't be afraid if other people notice them.

"What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person."              - John Green

We have to believe in what we do, but we also have to know that we are just one little cog in the big machine of the world. We have to remember that we and everyone else we interact with are all just people trying to get through life, hopefully leaving a positive impact.
My typical "positive impact" is making people feel good. I don't believe we can ever be successful or if we don't enjoy ourselves, so I always try to find and share the fun in situations.

I want to live in a world where we stop hiding behind constructions of ourselves and aren't afraid to share some "self-deprecating levity," as one of the commenters on the video put it.

There's nothing more dangerous than taking ourselves too seriously.