Words are Hard: Communication

Communicating is tricky. It’s so hard, you guys. Everyone’s minds are like big bowls of soupy thoughts floating around, and no matter how carefully you pick your words, you can never know what part of that soupy mess they’re going to stick to.

People will always interpret what you say based on where they are in their lives and their state of mind, so how can get our message across as well as possible?

Well first of all, I think the crucial first step is to embrace that we cannot be perfect. Something will always be lost in the transfer of information, and we have to be okay with that. In fact, we can use it to our advantage, as everyone may take away a slightly different message and, in turn, bring variant, diverse ideas back to the group.

I don’t see that many differences between communication with an individual and a group. Obviously, they are different beasts, but the basic principles hold true to both situations.

1. Articulating

This concept is one of the simpler ones but also one of the harder ones for me to accomplish. I find that my brain moves so quickly when I’m trying to problem solve that by the time the thoughts get to my mouth, my mind has already moved on. This problem can interfere with my communication, but it has also taught me to slow down, breathe, and pick my words carefully. To be fair, I usually just keep rambling full speed and hope the people I’m with will stay on board, but sometimes, when I really need to communicate effectively, I’ll have to slow it down. The idea is easy, though: if you want someone to understand what you’re thinking, choose the words that best explain your thought. As I said, don’t expect it to come across perfectly, but this is certainly the area where you can get the closest.

2. Confidence

Be confident in yourself and in your message. If you don’t believe that you and what you have to say are both important, neither will anyone else. In practice, this often means speaking in a slow, controlled manner, not going back on things you’ve just said, sounding like you’re not just coming up with something on the spot, and keeping all your nervous energy controlled (e.g. dancing feet, nervous hands, ums and uhs, etc.). Confidence is more important in situations like presentations or persuasions, but really it’s just important to prove that you’re speaking for a purpose beyond just the sake of talking. Stand up and own your message.

3. Relating

While it is important to seem on top of it and polished, it is also important to be relatable. This idea is sort of the yin to confidence’s yang. You certainly need both at all times, but they are opposite factors, and you need to understand the situation to figure out which one should hold more weight. For example, when chatting with friends, it is usually more important to be relatable than confident, but confidence is still crucial. I try to relate to my audience by using everyday, casual terms (how often do I say “you guys,” you guys?) in conjunction with more carefully constructed sentences.

4. Listening

We often use “communicating” and “talking”/”sharing” kind of interchangeably. However, a critical part of communication is keeping it two-sided. Again, this differs depending on the context (taking questions in a presentation, being sure to hear others’ ideas in a group project, or just listening to details about your friends’ days), but the idea holds true no matter the situation. Communication is about more than just putting your thoughts into the world. It’s about effectively sharing your ideas with others’ and eliminating as many barriers between your minds as possible. If no one ever listened, we would never have any reason to speak in the first place. I am definitely a loud, chatty, person, so I sometimes forget when it’s time to just shut up and listen, but it is incredibly important that we all remember that communication is a give and take.

5. Evaluating

Easily the most important part of communication is evaluating. You must first evaluate your audience and the context to figure out how best to communicate. After that, effective communication comes from frequent evaluating and reevaluating and making the appropriate changes. There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to understand people who can only seem to phrase their message in one way. If you notice that people look confused or uncomfortable, it is absolutely crucial to address the problem and try another approach. Similarly, if what you have to say is well-received, use that knowledge to boost your confidence and keep up the good work.